ALTERNATIVES TO ABORTION
What about the Alternatives?
Help is At Hand!
Unexpected Pregnancy is Hard to Face but “Help is Always at Hand”
Unexpected pregnancy is hard to face. An unexpected pregnancy can cause fear and anxiety. If you are pregnant and worried, or just want someone to talk to, contact CURA or LIFE or any of the other similar organisations listed. They can arrange medical care during pregnancy, and support before and after the birth.
We also list elsewhere a number of adoption agencies in Ireland who, likewise, will be only too happy to talk to you.
A single woman's story of an unplanned pregnancy.
"I started waking up at night and bursting into floods of tears, clutching my pillow and wondering what would become of me".
Freda's Story
Before I got pregnant there were stresses and problems in my life, but they were nothing compared to the prospect of having an unplanned child. I was out of college a few years and had just landed my ideal job as a computer programmer. I was very ambitious to do well and get ahead, so I had a pretty demanding lifestyle all-round. It was actually quite difficult to find time to see John - my boyfriend whom I had met more than a year ago. However, since he was also very committed to his job, and worked long hours we both understood that the time we'd have together would be limited.
But then I began to suspect that I was pregnant. For the first time I began to think about our lifestyle and really with the little time we spent together, pregnancy and a baby did not fit easily into it. I spent a long time and mental energy raging that the contraception we had used had not worked. I wanted desperately to talk to John and sort things out, but he was always busy or working late, so I gave up on him for a while and then resolved to cope with the situation on my own.
Of course this was the biggest mistake I could have made in the early stages. Acting like this situation was something I could cope with all by myself was just a form of denying the reality of what was happening. I went to my GP - a woman, and had a pregnancy test and all that, and when she asked me if I needed to talk to someone, I said no. Really I was in a prolonged state of shock. I started thinking about the baby, and thought I'd have it adopted without even having asked myself how that might make me feel. I didn't consider John's feelings at all. I was just so numb that feelings didn't enter into the matter, what was important was to make practical arrangements in order to ensure that everything would go as smoothly as possible when the time came.
Of course, all this denial of my feelings couldn't go on forever. I started waking up at night and bursting into floods of tears, clutching my pillow and wondering what would become of me. Would I lose my job, and would people think I was an awful fool to have gotten pregnant in the first place? Would they think I was a terrible person to give my baby up for adoption? What if I did give the baby up for adoption, and never saw him or her again? Would I be spending the rest of my life waking up in the middle of the night just to cry and wonder was the baby happy? Would I be forever wishing that I could have the child there with me to love and cherish?
Obviously people realised that I was not myself, but I couldn't tell them why. One night I was feeling really unwell, my flatmate got so worried that I had to tell her what was going on. She pointed out that people really cared about me, and shutting them out from what was happening to me would hurt them as well as me. She also pointed out that John cared too, and even though he didn't have much time at present to spend with me, it was still a bit unfair to start making plans without including him in what was going on. She suggested that I go to someone who had specific experience in helping women in my situation, and mentioned Cura as a possibility. I thought Cura was only for young girls, but she told me that a friend of her sister's had been in the same situation and had found Cura a great help.
When I first met Joan, my Cura counsellor, she asked me how could she help me. I didn't know what to say. I told her that I had been thinking about giving up the child for adoption, and I admitted that I hadn't really included John in my plans, or even considered how my family might feel. In fact it had been so long since I'd seen them that I'd almost blocked out the fact that they existed! She then asked me gently what my own real wishes were, and again I didn't know what to say. She asked me to think how I felt about the baby itself, and then, slowly but surely, the tears came again.
With Joan's help, I started to realise that al the plans I had been making were just a way of pretending that the baby was not really happening, I began to realise that by not involving other people in the situation, I was almost hoping that they needn't know about the baby at all. And if they didn't know about the baby, they wouldn't think any differently of me, and my life could go on unchanged. But I know now that just wasn't possible, I would know about the child though.
I started to talk to Joan about keeping the baby. She talked me through long-term working plans, how I might job-share or work part-time with the help of family and friends. I found out how long I could work before going on maternity leave, how I might work out a budget for the baby and myself. Joan also explained if I had not decided fully on my plans that foster care for the baby was an option before maybe having to decide on whether or not to have the baby adopted. At the end of the day she explained the decision was mine.
Because I felt much stronger and more in control, telling John and my family about the pregnancy was much easier than expected. Everyone asked me why I hadn't told them before, that they would have supported me. John and I are seeing each other quite a bit; he is very good and supportive. I don't know how things will work out between us in the long term, but the baby will have two parents that care, and we will both think of the baby's welfare and what is best for the three of us.
CURA— who are they?
Since they began our work in 1977, CURA have been a lifeline to many in Ireland facing a pregnancy, - a pregnancy they wanted or needed to keep to themselves. They see their role as reaching out to any woman who finds herself in this situation. We do this regardless of their religious, social or marital status. Our services are also free of charge.
Women come to them of their own free will and they respect that. They always listen with sympathy and understanding, no matter what is told to them. They never judge any person. Nobody is pressurised into doing anything. That is not their role.
CURA, Latin for care, is an Irish organisation. The name is intended to express the purpose of its aim. i.e. to provide care for the mother and her unborn child.
CURA’s primary objective is to ensure that every woman who is unhappily pregnant has immediate and easy access to the help that she needs. This help is provided during pregnancy, the birth of her baby and following birth.
The first response CURA offers is to listen. They often find that the hardest thing for a woman who is unhappily pregnant is telling anybody about it. This takes a lot of courage and there can be a lot of pain and hurt. But knowing there is someone to listen - not to judge can be of enormous help, especially in the early stages.
Practical help goes hand in hand with emotional support. Free pregnancy testing is offered. If the result is positive, the woman involved can be extremely distressed. She may wish her life would "return to normal" - the way it was weeks ago - and possibly can't see any future for herself.
As she comes to terms with her pregnancy, help will be needed with doctor’s appointments, hospital visits and possibly social welfare information. And her counsellor will support her through labour and the birth of her baby, if she wishes. This friendship is often invaluable.
CURA treats everyone involved with the highest levels of confidentiality, trust and respect. They do not judge or give advice. They don't call the shots. They listen unconditionally. They offer opinions. Any decisions are informed decisions - made by the woman herself.
Most of us would agree that the best support for a young woman is that of her own family and community. However as those in CURA have found, this ideal is not always possible. If a woman cannot or does not wish to stay at home, she can opt to stay with a host family or in shared accommodation where a CURA counsellor will be available and stay in touch.
Pregnancy by its very nature is not confined to the woman who is pregnant; others are also affected by it, her boyfriend/husband and their families and friends. Counselling, if needed is available to all.
When women approach CURA they are sometimes full of fear, anxiety and even panic. They see abortion as the only way out. They uphold the right of every baby to be born. CURA sees every human life as the wonderful creation of God and would wish to see each new life loved and nurtured.
The help that CURA offers is never conditional on people accepting their services. Sometimes their support is not accepted, they recognise that some will make decisions at variance with our philosophy. But powerless as they feel in such circumstances, their support for the woman does not end. They will respect the woman's decision, will always be there for her should she feel the need for support and counselling at any stage.
They will always seek to assist with compassion anyone experiencing the trauma of abortion as well as others affected by it.
CURA received more than 9,000 phone calls last year and more than 4,000 personal callers visited the 15 centres CURA have in Northern Ireland and the Republic.
Help is available and is near at hand — Services Offered by CURA
All services offered by CURA are free of charge, in private and confidential
Services include:
Free Pregnancy testing
Pregnancy Counselling
Access to social welfare information
Access to medical facilities
Access to pre-natal care and supervised accommodation
If requested, referral to adoption and fostering service is available
Post abortion counselling
If requested, access to spiritual counselling
Awareness programmes for schools and other groups is available on request.
CURA Centres:
ATHLONE : Tel. 0902 / 74272
CASTLEBAR : Tel. 094 / 24866
CORK : Tel. 021 / 277544
DERRY : Tel. 080 / 1504 / 268467
DUBLIN : Tel. 01 / 6710598
DUNDALK : Tel. 042 / 9337533
ENNIS : Tel. 065 / 6829905
GALWAY : Tel. 091 / 562558
KILKENNY : Tel. 056 / 22739
LETTERKENNY : Tel. 074 / 23037
LIMERICK : Tel. 061 / 318207
SLIGO : Tel. 071 / 43659
KERRY : Tel. 066 / 7127355
WATERFORD : Tel. 051 / 876452
WEXFORD : Tel. 053 / 22255
Contact your local centre for more information, telephone numbers also in your local directory.
Aertel: page 492 Network 2
E-Mail: cura@iol.ie
WEB: www.cura.ie
LIFE IRELAND, 39/40 Dame Street, Dublin 2:
HELPLINE: 1850 281 281 (for the price of a local call).
LIFE is an Irish organisation dedicated to counselling women with crisis pregnancies. They are there to help you and not to judge you in any way. They will assist you consider all your options and help you make up your mind concerning your pregnancy. If you need support at this time contact them immediately by e-mail or telephone and they will arrange suitable advice and support for you.
There are branches outside Dublin at the following locations:
Cork Tel: 021-270445
Killybegs Tel: 073-32000
Tallaght Tel: 01-4623181
Thurles Tel: 0504-24402
Galway Tel: 091-566939
Letterkenny Tel: 074-27007
Tullamore Tel: 0506 41110
If you are living in Northern Ireland there are branches at the following locations:
Belfast Tel: 01 232 249414
Newry Tel: 01 693 67085
Dungannon Tel: 01 868 753684
Derry Tel: 01 504 264751
If you are pregnant and distressed phone in complete confidence.
Life Pregnancy Care Service
29/30 Dame Street,
Dublin 2
Ph. 679 8989
Helpline 1850 281 281
Fax. 679 0694
Life Pregnancy Counselling,
Shalom,
Maplewood Road,
Dublin 24
Ph. 462 3181
Aadam’s Women’s Centre
Dublin City 878006
Freephone 1800 55 92 80
Cunamh
CPRSI House,
30 South Anne Street,
Dublin 2.
Tel. 01-677 9664
Cura
30 South Anne Street,
Dublin 2
Ph. 671 0598 Fax 671 0886
Email address; cura@iol.ie www.iol.ie/cura
PACT
15, Belgrave Road,
Rathmines,
Dublin 6.
Helpline open Monday to Friday 9 am - 5 pm
Ph. 1850 67 33 33
Adoption or Abortion — A Decision of a Lifetime
Decisions ... some are small and some are very big. Some don’t affect your life at all. Others have consequences you must deal with the rest of your life.
If you are pregnant and unmarried, you are faced with a big decision. “What am I going to do with the baby inside of me?” There are several options available, two of which are Adoption or Abortion. Let us compare the answers to questions regarding these two choices. In some ways the answers are very similar, but the difference is a matter of life and death.
If You Adopt...
You will be free to pursue your goals and dreams that you had before you were pregnant.
You will not have to care for a baby before you are ready.
You will not have the financial burden of caring for a child.
You will not have to worry about finding a sitter, missing out on the fun with your friends and being tied down.
When you think of your baby, you will think of him or her as happy and loved by a mommy and daddy.
You will have precious memories of your baby’s face, fingers, toes, eyes and smile.
You will know you gave the greatest gift of all - a child, to a couple whose hope and dream was a baby to love.
You will now receive the greatest gift — The gift of Life.
If You Abort...
You will be free to pursue your goals and dreams that you had before you were pregnant.
You will not have to care for a baby before you are ready.
You will not have the financial burden of caring for a child.
You will not have to worry about finding a sitter, missing out on the fun with your friends and being tied down.
There is no baby to think of; no smile, no little fingers or toes to remember.
You have only the memory that you ended your baby’s life. Instead of feeling good about how your pregnancy ended, you may feel sad and empty.
But you can never go back and give that child life!
Decisions ... some are small and some are very big. Some don’t affect your life at all . Others have consequences you must deal with the rest of your life.
You will receive no gift, nothing.
Sharon’s Story
My name is Sharon. When I was 17 I got pregnant. I was really upset and confused. I thought about abortion for a minute - it would have been so easy. But, I knew I couldn’t do that to my baby so I decided on adoption. It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do. That was many years ago. My “baby” is now 15. I have no regrets. I know she is loved and happy. If you are pregnant, don’t just say “no” to adoption. Think about it. It could be the best thing for you and your baby. You may have some questions about adoption. I’ll try to answer them.
Can I choose the family? Yes. It’s not like it used to be when everything was secretive. Most agencies will give you letters with photos telling you all about the couple.
Can I have contact with my baby after the adoption? It depends on what you want. The agency will match you with couples who want the same degree of contact as you do. There could be visits after the adoption, photos and letters, phone contact - whatever you and the adoptive couple are comfortable with. Though I haven’t seen her, I have exchanged letters with Catherine for the past 15 years.
Will my child feel abandoned? A good idea is to write a letter or send something special you made or bought. If you write, you can tell your child that you loved her so much you gave her life and a mammy and daddy. These assurances will make your baby feel special, not abandoned. When Catherine’s adoptive parents came to pick her up, she wore a T-shirt I had made that said, “I love my mammy and daddy.”
What if the father doesn’t want the adoption? The birth father’s rights are the same as yours. If you go through an agency they are used to working with fathers in this situation.
How can I be sure my child will be well cared for? Any couple who adopts a child must be approved by the agency. A complete background check and home study is done on them.
Are you still happy with your decision? Yes! It was hard, mostly at first. But, as time went on and I knew she was happy and loved by a mammy and daddy, I felt better. I was able to go to college, marry and have children of my own. I know abortion seems easy, but it is also final. I am so thankful I chose life for Catherine and so are her adoptive parents!
WHO ARRANGES ADOPTIONS?
Only Registered Adoption Societies and the Health Boards are legally entitled to place children for adoption. Health Boards adoption services are provided through the community care service of the Boards. A number of the Societies are operated by, or in association with the local Health Board.
An Adoption Order
An adoption order secures in law the position of the child in the adoptive family. On the making of the adoption order the parent(s) lose(s) all legal rights over the child and is freed from all duties. These rights and duties are transferred to the adoptive parents. The child is regarded in law as the child of the adoptive parents as if he/she were born to them in marriage. Legal adoption is permanent.
As well as contacting LIFE, CURA, CUNAMH, etc you may also contact any of the following organisations for confidential information on adoption:
Adoption Advice Service (Barnardo’s)
Tues 2.00 - 5.00 p.m., Thurs 10.00 a.m. - 2.00 p.m.
Christchurch Square,
Dublin 8.
Ph. 454 6388
Adoptions Unlimited
288 Kincora Court,
Dublin 3.
Ph. 853 2495
Adoptive Parents Association
Albain Piercetown,
Dunboyne Co Meath
Ph. 825 2043
The Adoption Board
Shelbourne House,
Dublin 4
Ph. 667 1392
Adoption Services
Rotunda Girls Aid Society
1A Cathedral Street, Dublin 1.
Tel. 01-874 4262
Mother & Child Welfare and Adoption Society
St. Patrick’s Guild (Inc),
82 Haddington Road,
Dublin 4
Ph. 6681765